EVERYONE who’s lived in Guam for a while has stories about adventures in dealing with our local government – anecdotal tidbits that as often as not are so unique they’ve acquired the more-or-less universally (to Guamanians) recognized status of OOG. For the 5 percent who don’t read or watch TV, that translates to “Only On Guam.” When they surface we usually chuckle and say “Yep. Another OOG” and accept it for what it is – just another anomalous event found nowhere else on Earth.

For example, where else in the nation (or the world, for that matter) can you pick up a newspaper and see a classified ad by someone wishing to sell a male cow? Especially pervasive and noxious in this election season are political campaign signs, some the size of shipping containers, which litter island highways end to end, encroaching on pavement and obstructing intersections in defiance of local law. No less irritating and frustrating are the “waves” that distract drivers and contribute to traffic congestion. Speaking of traffic congestion, how about those crude political caravans of dozens or hundreds of vehicles, promoting some candidate or other with tinny loudspeakers spewing indecipherable campaign trash? It’s just as well that we don’t understand it because it’s all lies anyway. Those things can really do a number on the traffic situation.

Here’s another one. The Guam Legislature did something no lawmaking body has done before in the entire history of American politics. They crafted legislation designed to block a specific federal court order during the Ordot hearings. The government of Guam was held in contempt of court and the Legislature in particular was cited for violation of their oaths of office and “warring against the Constitution.” Unsurprisingly, most of those involved – still in office – also had a hand in sabotaging the military buildup.

You may suspect that I have a specific OOG in mind, and you’re right. Here’s the short version. On April 3, 2012, I filed a consumer complaint with the Guam Attorney General’s Consumer Protection Unit. I’d spent considerable time and effort on it, adhering to the AG’s rules and format – some 16 pages altogether.

After about a month I inquired about my complaint, explaining that I needed to travel to the mainland in July for medical reasons. Nothing of substance resulted. Here are some milestones:

April 3 – Consumer protection complaint filed with the AG; copy to the company involved.

May 16 – An Assistant AG was assigned to the Consumer Unit. His plan – first address the most recent complaints and work back toward the oldest. That scheme in itself qualifies as a mini-OOG.

May 21 – After I again complained about lack of response I learned that my complaint had been “moved up the stack” for review.

May 25 – I was told review of my complaint had been completed.

June 12 – I again asked about status, as I’m running out of time. Told it’s “under review by the attorney.”

June 25 – AG letter to the company involved seeking resolution and establishing a 10-day response deadline. The company was later granted an extension, though I had provided them a copy of the original complaint on April 3.

July 10 – I again reminded the Consumer Unit that I urgently need resolution of the complaint. My request was forwarded to consumer counsel Nishihira, Deputy AG Pat Mason and the AG’s secretary.

Now for the OOG I encountered today, July 19. Having already missed my planned travel date I reluctantly decided to complain about what I see as unresponsive treatment of a legitimate concern, knowing that it may cause my paperwork to disappear forever. The highest hurdle turned out to be finding someone who knows how and where to file a complaint against the AG. It apparently just isn’t done. I was finally told that the point of contact is the Public Information person, identity unknown. I asked for the phone extension and was told that it can’t be released – it’s confidential. Get it? Public information contact with the AG is apparently a one-way street. Sort of a Catch-22. Got a consumer complaint? Don’t waste your time.