I AM continuing in my quest to teach my kids finayin Chamorro, or Chamorro wisdom, through their learning of old sayings. Recently, I taught them a new one.

My two children, Sumahi, 5, and Akli’e’, 2, get along most of the time. Sumahi is a very dominant personality and her brother is much more laid back in his approach to life, and so at present their opposing identities work well together. I’m sure as Akli’e’ grows and develops an independent identity, this will change.

One thing they do fight over regularly, as most kids do I'm sure, is the possessing of things. In our house, in theory, the toys on the floor belong to everyone. Akli'e' can play with the Barbie doll, Sumahi can play with Optimus Prime. Naturally the kids feel ownership over certain toys, because of perceptions of which toy belongs to which gender, and also feelings that “I own this because I got it for Christmas” or a birthday, but in general all toys belong to all people. When I say they fight over possessing things, I don’t mean a pre-given assertion of ownership. Instead I mean the desiring of possessing something primarily because you don’t have it, but someone else does.

You may have seen this with your kids, or even felt it yourself. A toy that is lying on the ground isn't very interesting. If it were interesting, someone would be playing with it. But the least interesting toy in the world can somehow achieve an aura of being the greatest, if someone else is playing with it.

In Chamorro there is a saying for describing this, and I've been trying to get Sumahi to remember and say it, but the phrase is long and very abstract.

"Annaiitiempotitiempo-mu, taya' orassipirao. Lao annaiestaitiempo-mu estatidimasiao."

The translation: When the time at hand, isn't your time, every moment is connected to the next (or time drags on so slowly). But when your time arrives, it just doesn't feel urgent anymore.

I use this for my kids when they are so desperate and eager to get something, but then quickly lose interest once they have it. In truth, however, the phrase originates as a warning for those who ga’mangguaiya or fall in love too easily.

It is something that you are supposed to say to someone who has a terrible, debilitating crush.

You say it to soothe the heartache of a friend who is so terribly in love with someone, who they probably know very little about, and have perhaps only once or twice exchanged looks. In earlier times, both under the U.S. and under the Spanish, sexuality was very tightly restrained and monitored. Young women and men couldn't easily interact with each other socially/romantically. Dating did not exist. The only members of the opposite sex that you could hang out freely with were the ones you were closely related to. Most of the time the only contact you could have is needy glances from across the pews at church or notes secreted back and forth across the village from helpful chule'guagua' or "cupids."

Without being able to talk to your crush, your newfound love, every moment really does feel connected as your mind mulls over what she must be doing, what she is thinking about, could she love you the way you love her and so on. When you are that smitten, it can feel as if there is no room to breathe. The thoughts of your love and the possibilities, both positive and negative, can overwhelm you. Time drags on as you anticipate when you will see your potential love next. You have Broadway shows full of dialogues between yourself and your love, all without her probably even knowing or realizing it.

But when you eventually, actually speak to the object of your desire, if you actually “get” what you have craved so fiercely, things naturally start to cool down. The ideal that you created in your desire doesn't ever really match up to the person who you have feelings for. That doesn't mean you don't really love them, but only that the intense urgency you sometimes feel in attraction or devotion isn't really real. It isn't part of this world, but something that you feel and hold on to only through absence. Once it is filled, the dinimasiao goes away.

Such is the nature of life. We are haunted, tormented and empowered by the sublime, but we live with the real. That is why, when the toy is not your toy it is special, it could mean everything. But once you get that toy, what is it really? What could it be? Just a toy that you have, nothing more.